Lost letters
by Oscarfudgie
Summary: Last part of my ShannonBoone trilogy! Very angsty as Shannon's dad dies and it looks back at her life and their relationship and Boone deals with unwanted affections of his own and others. I recommend you read the two previous parts first.


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Title: Lost Letters.

**Rating:** M -because I'm overcautious!

**Note:** This is the last piece of my Shannon/Boone trilogy although I just love writing them so much I may have to start a new one! It's very angsty as Shannon's dad dies and it looks back at her life and their relationship. Boone deals with his own unwanted affections as well as someone else's ;) I apologize for the long sentences and it's a bit disjointed in parts but I'm still relatively new to writing. Thanks so much for my reviews of the other two it's so nice to hear your work is appreciated!

* * *

He remembered when her mother was dying, something in Shannon was dying too. His little girl never smiled anymore, her face was always stony when she wasn't with her mother and her eyes lost any emotion when she wasn't trying not to cry. She never cried, even after Meg died, even at the funeral when he broke down into sobs beside her. She simply hugged him but he saw no sympathy in her eyes, he saw nothing, as if his little Shannon had disappeared and her silence was unnerving.

Shannon had never been silent, she'd talk for the sake of talking if she had nothing to impress them or shock them with. She was the apple of his eye and the person he looked forward to seeing at the end of a gruelling day at work. He was always the good guy, the hero and he wasn't around for the disciplining, or the 'real' parenting as his wife used to also say. Her school reports always said she was clever and outspoken which was probably sugar coating it, she had the gift of the gab but when she didn't get her way that so called 'gift' could become a curse. He knew it was because he gave into her every whim and tantrum but when she screamed and whined it seemed the only thing to do.

Shannon knew how to manipulate him but what spoilt seven year old didn't? His wife and Shannon were close but Shannon didn't ever play up with her like she did with him, she'd get a stern warning and a slap on the leg if she pushed her luck.

Once she died he didn't have the heart to go against Shannon when he was the only one she had left. Still, they had four relatively blissful years after the death. Shannon took months before she began to talk and become herself again. It was like her whole personality had shut down, he was living with a stranger for those cold months and it didn't make his own grief any easier to overcome when he was witnessing the only person he loved struggling to even want to exist. He thought she'd bounce back like the bubbly young person she was but it hit her hard and he didn't think she was ever the same girl again.

"Tell me you love me."

He grabbed his wife's hand as she lay frail and tired in her bed. She didn't have many days left now and it broke his heart to see her spirit and vivacity gone, she was still beautiful to him because that would never change but she was like a ghost of her former self.

"Do you even need to ask? I love you more than anything else, remember what I told you when we first met?"

She smiled briefly.

"It was two hours into our first date and you told me our love would be like that of the movies and that you wanted to see me every day for the rest of your life."

"And did I keep my promise?"

She kissed his hand.

"Yes and you've made me the happiest woman alive."

He felt the tears coming again but he wanted to be strong for her, she had accepted her fate and was more or less content but he wasn't used to losing the things he wanted and now he was going to lose part of himself.

"What do I do Meg? How am I going to raise Shannon when she's so dependent on you and loves you so much?"

"She's a strong girl and we've talked about things so I think she'll be alright. The important thing is that you live on even if it feels like you want to give up because your going to be Shannon's world and make sure she still does the thing she loves - make sure she dances around the lounge to Madonna and sings at the top of her lungs okay?"

He laughed through his tears.

"I don't think she'll need much encouragement."

"I wrote her a letter Simon and I want you to give it to her when she's older. Then when it feels like I've gone from her memory -"

"That will never happen!"

"-Well just in case, when she reads it I will be with her and she'll remember."

She passed him the letter and he put it in his pocket.

"This illness has been a slow and painful journey but I'm glad it's coming to an end. I'll be terrified to leave you but living on like this is too cruel for us all. Please just always remember me in that red dress on our first date and not like this."

"Of course, who could forget that red dress?"

And then the next day she was gone. The house didn't feel like a home anymore and a few weeks later he and Shannon had moved out.

Once Shannon had dealt with her grief and got back at least near enough to her old self they lived happily in an apartment in New York. Simon took time off work and was a stay at home dad for a while. It was Shannon and him and no one else but loneliness began to gnaw at him and he thought it was best for them both if he re- married so Shannon could have a stable family and he could have companionship again, Meg was his one love but he knew she would want him to be happy again.

When he married Shyanne Carlyle, Shannon changed again. With moving house, the wedding and getting to know Boone, he didn't spend as much time with Shannon anymore but he had always intended to once things had settled down. Then his work began to pile up and he didn't get home until Shannon had gone to bed. He saw how his new wife spent little time with Boone and he turned out fine and now that Shannon had a brother for company he didn't think it was that bigger deal. He knew she knew he loved her and that's all that mattered. He was aware that she was playing up at home and doing badly in school but he attributed that to adjustment problems. He knew his wife thought she was a problem child but neither of them had to cope with it that much as the nanny did all the 'real' parenting as he remembered his deceased wife's voice once more.

Shyanne was beautiful, rich and ambitious and he fell in love with her will and passion for success as they both wanted fulfilling careers, the only difference was Shyanne's dream had come true already and she'd worked hard for it. She was the opposite to Meg but no less exciting and if it hadn't been for Shannon's behaviour he might have felt happy.

She began to steal alcohol out of their expansive liquor cabinet and buy smokes off the maid when she was thirteen and her swearing vocabulary had unfortunately grown somewhat larger over the years. He tried to talk to her and for awhile she'd calm down but then as soon as he went on a business trip he'd come back to find her revert back to her wild ways. Then, and he wasn't proud of it, he abandoned Shannon and spend lots of time on holiday's with Shyanne who wanted to see the world and could leave her position at work quite easily. He quit his job when he got the taste for globe trotting and his ambition to do well in his career didn't seem to matter when he didn't have his old Shannon to come home to.

* * *

Shannon sat flicking through a pile of magazines she had just brought in her bedroom. She had been relatively sober lately mainly because after the incident on the couch with Boone it had scared her out of getting drunk around him anymore. Plus since they weren't fighting but being rather cordial and polite to each he was around a lot more. She was surprised it took as much effort to be nice as to be a bitch but she was determined not to break it in case they ended up shouting at each other and he brought up the 'incident.'

She had graduated high school months ago but she hadn't thought about university (she could hear her step mother laughing at the thought) or getting a job.

Her last boyfriend said she should be a model but he would say anything to get her in bed. Her boyfriend at the moment was called Carl who she met at a wedding a few weeks back. He was twenty three and a wealthy banker but she hadn't slept with him yet. It took her eighteen years to realise being aloof and practically virginal had guys at her feet and gagging for attention and not only that but she could pick off the losers from the nice guys because they were the ones that stuck around when they realised they'd have to keep it in their pants for awhile.

It was her birthday tomorrow and Carl was taking her out to dinner but wasn't sure she'd go in case her father came home early to surprise her, he rarely did but even the hope of it happening made her think twice about making plans. She hated him but she wanted his attention and a present because she knew she deserved that and a hell of a lot more.

"Shannon you're going to love me."

Shannon didn't even bother looking at Boone who appeared in her doorway.

"I doubt it."

"Not even if I told you I got you coldplay tickets for next week?"

Shannon tried not to sound as excited as she felt.

"I don't want to go to coldplay with you."

"I didn't expect you to, I got tickets for you and Carl."

Shannon eyed him suspiciously.

"Why?"

She could imagine Boone hiring some hit man to shoot him with a silencer in the crowd while she danced and screamed obliviously next to Carl's corpse.

"It's your birthday present and I'm going to a conference in Houston tomorrow morning remember so I thought I'd give it to you early."

Shannon jumped off the bed and snatched them for him.

"Thanks brother that must be at least in the top five best gifts I'm going to get this birthday."

She smiled at him gratefully and slapped him on the back.

"You getting takeout?"

"No I have a date."

Shannon stopped dead in her tracks and turned hopefully towards him.

"You have an actual date?"

"Yes is that so surprising?"

"Well it must mean you like her a lot if you're taking her out to dinner _before_ sleeping with her."

"You make me sound like a sex crazed player with no feelings above my torso."

"You said it not me."

So he lied, he didn't have a date with anything but a very large beer but he didn't want to let Shannon think he was pining after her as usual even though he was. In some indirect effort to win her and regain a bit of pride he thought if he became unavailable and unable to pay her attention that she'd want to see him more. He'd become a rare commodity so that when he did appear he'd have more appeal than when he was around 24/7 because he knew Shannon was getting bored with seeing him constantly and her polite act was wearing thin when she had to do it all the time.

* * *

As Boone was leaving to go on his imaginary date he incepted Carl about to knock on the door that he had just opened.

He was smarmy and wore too much aftershave but that was evident the first time he met Carl which was a while after they began dating, Shannon had tried to stop them ever meeting and he wondered if they ever got married ( his stomach dropped at the idea) whether she'd even bother to invite him in case he dramatically stood up and declared his love for her during the ceremony.

"Hi is Shan there?"

"Yep she shouldn't be long she's just re-adjusting her underwear but Brad should be gone soon."

Carl gave him a suspicious look.

Boone smiled falsely and slapped him a little too hard on the back.

"Just kidding, it's the big brother act I pull on all her past boyfriends so you can imagine I've had a lot of practice to get it just right."

"Right…"

He looked past Boone to Shannon who was coming down the stairs in a little red dress that looked almost indecent.

"And there's the underwear I was talking about."

He pointed dramatically to her outfit.

"Funny shit Boone it's a pity no one actually listens to you."

"Well that's what I get for being a generous big brother and getting her and her boyfriend Coldplay tickets."

"He got us Colplay tickets Shan?"

She pecked him on the cheek an nodded.

"He has money to burn."

Carl shook his hand suddenly.

"That's really decent of you thanks."

He gave him a slight wink and left in his Mercedes. Shannon knew how to pick the rich spineless ones that's for sure.

He was sure Carl was a great guy but any guy with Shannon was automatically an asshole to him.

He knew Shannon would probably not be home that night so he thought he'd go out for an hour and come back although from what Shannon had said about Carl, he hadn't tried to fuck her yet so he wasn't too sure this time and for that he was thankful to Carl for at least.

He was lying in bed trying to read a book from his collection but it was just so boring and he knew it was a bestseller so he couldn't understand what he was missing. He had brought an exquisite rimu wood bookshelf and he felt stupid having no books to furnish it with so he went to the nearest bookstore and bought all the recommended reads but had yet to actually open one. It made him seem interesting and cultured to his bed partners and made him feel more intellectual than he actually was.

* * *

Booneheard the door slam open downstairs at around midnight and hurried down to greet a completely trashed Shannon in the arms of Carl who had dragged her from the car.

"Dude she's heavier than she looks."

Boone smiled slightly, just grateful he hadn't tried to rape her while she was almost passed out and had at least got her through the door.

"It's the heels."

Carl nodded as Boone motioned for him to drop her in the bedroom to his right. He had to admit Carl did have great fashion sense and his teeth were really white. He didn't like the guy but he wasn't above stating the obvious, especially easy now there was no chance Carl would be getting laid tonight.

They sat on each side of her in the dark room as she gurgled and moaned obliviously between them.

"Is she always like this?"

"You only just noticed?"

Carl looked disappointed and Boone felt both ecstatic and slightly bad for the guy.

"She's usually okay though and from what I've heard you're a really great guy and she likes you."

Carl smiled brightly and although he had martyred himself (and also covered his ass in case Shannon could hear) he felt slightly happy at doing something right for a change. He loved Shannon and Shannon deserved to be happy, if that was with a smarmy banker then so be it.

Suddenly he felt a warm hand on his. Did Shannon hear and was showing her gratitude?

No such luck.

Carl looked at him hopefully as he caressed his hand.

Oh shit am I some sort of man magnet? This is the second time this month! Just because I can afford designer labels does not mean I'm a fag!

Boone quickly removed his hand and tucked it safely between his legs.

Carl realising he had got Boone wrong and put an exhausted hand through his hair. Boone really did feel bad for him now.

"um look each to their own and all but I'm not like that."

"Sorry I just - I really like Shannon but I've been kidding myself."

Boone nodded trying to be empathetic and understanding to his step sister's soon to be ex-boyfriend's homosexual issues who he had spent about ten minutes with in his life.

Carl laughed bitterly.

"I'm sorry I'm telling you this you must think I'm a freak it's just I've never been with a guy or anything and I took a chance on you and obviously I got you wrong so I haven't got anything else to lose..it's just I can't talk to my family or friends."

"Have you tried a shrink?"

Carl snorted.

"I'm not crazy, I'm gay."

"Sorry of course."

He looked so conflicted Boone could at least empathise with that.

"I should go - just tell Shannon I'm sorry."

_Great yet another reason for Shannon to take my head off when she finds out her boyfriend wanted to shag me not her._

"Sure..look if it's any consolation I'm in love with my step sister."

Boone couldn't believed he had just divulged that to a basic stranger and he was seriously glad Shannon was now asleep because she'd never forgive his slip up if she knew.

Carl sat stunned for a moment before smiling.

"That's what was with the cold welcoming. I wish you luck with the cohabitation thing."

They shook hands in an ultra macho attempt at a goodbye.

"Good luck to you too Carl."

Carl laughed to himself, perhaps about his complete cock up of reading gay vibes or at Boone's hopeless case or perhaps both but at least he felt his situation wasn't as bad as Boone's.

* * *

Shannon woke up to find herself alone and fully clothed and thought it was a pretty dull way to start her birthday. She was alone in the mansion with no Boone which she would usually consider a good thing and no parents which wasn't so much a surprise as a disappointment.

She ran herself a long bath and sunk into the water. She wasn't sure whether she had embarrassed herself or not last night because she couldn't remember it and she just hoped she didn't say anything inappropriate and drive him away, he had some actual potential after all.

Bite the bullet chicken shit.

She picked up the phone and dialled his home number, optimistic he'd be home at 10am on a Saturday morning.

"Hello?"

"Hey Karl it's me."

There was a hesitant pause that sent alarm bells ringing in her head, she may not have been an academic but she was great at reading people as all skilled manipulators were.

"Are you okay? Sorry about me getting wasted I'm usually better behaved but with my parents giving me a hard time and the prospect of being alone on my birthday I got a bit carried away."

He laughed awkwardly.

"Well me and your brother certainly had fun trying to haul you into bed, so did he say much about it?"

"He went to the airport early this morning but I'm surprised he was awake last night, we're not that close."

"Well he's a good guy you're lucky"

Great, he liked her brother which was a total turn off because that would mean he'd want to be buddies with him which would mean Boone would actually have to hang around with her more often which was far too much already.

"Nah he's a jerk he just hides it well."

She wondered if she should spin some story about him hitting her around just for good measure but that was crossing the line even for Shannon.

"So do you want to come around and give me a birthday treat?"

"I did get you a present but I'm not sure if you'll like it so maybe I'll just drop it off quickly -"

"-That wasn't the sort of treat I was talking about but I wont say no to a little material something on the side. You're so innocent it's creepy."

He sighed.

"Shannon I think maybe we should be friends I mean you're wonderful -"

It was her fucking birthday and this asshole was going to break up with her (there's always a first time for everything but Shannon wasn't used to the word no)

"-but it's not me it's you right?"

"Uh yes exactly."

"What are you seeing someone else? Or does that fact I'm open about my sexuality intimidate you? I thought you weren't a bastard but I guess I was wrong."

"It's not any of that it's some personal issues I have with myself and I know that sounds flaky but it's the truth I promise and if we could still be friends.."

"Go to hell"

She slammed down the phone automatically feeling like downing the last of the vodka bottle. She went through them like water.

She was a loner who had alienated all her friends, drove away her parents and didn't even like herself and it was her birthday and so far one fucking present from a step-brother she wasn't even sure she liked.

Way to go Shannon another great year.

* * *

He sat with a book on his lap but he couldn't read because of the weird chest pains he'd been getting, he'd taken an aspirin but it was still there. Shyanne had gone down to the pool to get a tan as she had insisted they fly to Miami for a couple of days before flying to Europe so she could catch up with friends and unwind.

He knew it was Shannon's birthday and he felt guilty for not calling but he wasn't sure if she picked up what he would say.

"Hi darling hows the alcohol recovery? Sorry we haven't had a proper conversation in years but I've been busy taking luxurious holiday's around the world without you."

He didn't exactly see her forgiving and forgetting and he didn't blame her, he was a lousy father and a miserable shell of a human being for abandoning his daughter. The guilt ate at him and the only way to make himself ever feel a little happy was to travel and have his wife who made no apologizes for her own shoddy parenting as distractions.

If only Meg had never died none of this would have happened, right now they'd be at the Zoo or somewhere corny like the beach with champagne and cake embarrassing Shannon and holding on to whatever little girl in her there was left. She'd call them losers but smile anyway and then they'd go out for dinner somewhere nice and Shannon and Meg would take sides against him in all the arguments even if he was right. They'd get her a sentimental present before making sure she was dressed appropriately and hugging her too hard when she left to party with her friends. Then they'd go to bed and read, laugh about the day and sigh to themselves realising Shannon was a well rounded young woman who didn't need them anymore and was probably out preying on some poor man to make her future husband.

But things never turned out the way they should and he didn't want to think about what she was doing right now but he knew Boone was handling a conference in Houston that Shyanne refused to attend so she'd be alone at home.

* * *

"Write to her"

"What?"

"You heard me"

"But why when I can just pick up the phone or talk to her."

Meg smiled knowingly.

"Sometimes it's hard to say what we truly feel or mean and I know you Simon Rutherford you'll put it off or bottle stuff up because I love you but you're a proud, stubborn man and although I know how to read you and get you to open up Shannon doesn't. Just write down now all the things you want to be for Shannon and how you feel and anything else going through your mind like doubts or worries. Although you don't have to give it to her I want you to keep it and read it whenever you find it tough being a single dad."

Simon thought it was bizarre but he did what she wanted and he found the more he wrote the better he felt and he found after a page of sincere and sorrowful words that he knew Shannon and himself would be okay. He'd never give her the letter but he'd address it to her and seal it nevertheless.

Years later and he had never opened it, it was still stuck in a chest with all Meg's things in it that he had kept. He'd been too scared to open the letter because he knew if he did, he'd realise all the things he'd wanted for Shannon and tried to get had all turned out wrong and that he'd changed from being a devoted father to a selfish, broken coward. He'd just be reading over all the what if's and he didn't want to have any more regrets or his entire life would crumble.

Just thinking about it made him short of breath as the searing pain in his chest multiplied and his vision blurred and all he could think about was the pain and how he had let Shannon down and then it was over.

No more regrets, no more what if's, he had reached the final curtain.

* * *

Shannon had gone shopping, after all it was her birthday and she deserved some retail therapy after she decided it was better than _actu_al therapy and if there was one way to spite her father and his witch of a wife it was to make a rather large financial dent.

She could imagine Shyanne writhing in pain pool-side after suddenly realising her money was being drained away, it would be so priceless she even thought about killing two birds with one stone and flying first class to Miami to witness it herself.

_Pedicure. Check. Manicure. Check. Facial. Check. Body massage. Check. Leg and eyebrow wax. Ouch and check._

As she checked herself out in the mirror in her new boots and new gorgeous green satin dress she couldn't help but feel it was Carl's loss. The dress was expensive, designer and showed a lot of skin which meant it would fit perfectly with the rest of her extensive wardrobe. She'd wear it out to dinner tonight where she'd get drunk on expensive wine and seduce the first good looking man she saw.

She was just paying for a diamond choker and slender silver Gucci watch when her phone rung in her bag. She assumed it would be Carl regretting his decision and begging her to forgive his brief period of insanity but to her dismay it was Boone.

"You already wished me happy birthday and it couldn't be more the opposite so what is it you want?"

Boone didn't answer for a moment and she could hear him sigh.

"Why isn't your birthday going well?"

His voice was polite and nervous she knew he was making conversation as some sort of ice breaker.

"Because as unbelievable as it is I got dumped and I'm alone."

"Okay well not for long I'm on the plane back now I should be home in a few hours."

"Why?"

Boone coughed.

"We'll talk when I get home."

He sounded serious and Shannon had the malicious hope that his mother had got skin cancer from sunbathing and only had a month to live but she knew if that was the case he would have told her straight out and waited for her gleeful laughter.

Shannon lumbered back to the car trying to get the weight distribution of her numerous bags right between her hips, arms and the smaller one who's handles she had put around her neck.

When she got home she was relieved to throw all her purchases on her bed and work the cramps and cricks out of her body and two celebratory martinis later and Boone arrived home.

She was happy to see him for once, she didn't like rattling around the house for very long and even if it was Boone, any company was welcome.

"Hey how was the flight?"

He looked at her with uncertain eyes.

"Necessary."

"Could you not bare to be away from me for so long you came back to take in the radiance of my exquisite face once more?"

She grinned and Boone savoured it as he knew it'd be the last for a long while.

"It's your father.."

"What is he finally divorcing your mother?"

"No he's dead Shannon."

Shannon felt everything click sickeningly into place, Boone wouldn't have flown all this way to tell her something trivial.

She felt so hollow she didn't dare question his sincerity and so it meant he was gone for good and she really did have no one.

She didn't cry, she wasn't sure she knew how to cry for him. She loved him or at least felt bound to him by the past but she wasn't dependent on him so she couldn't understand why she felt everything crashing in around her.

Boone looked at her worriedly, the worst bad news he'd had to break for his mother was company downsizing and redundancies and having to tell the woman he loved that her father was dead was painful to say the least. He was as close to Simon as he was to his mom (which wasn't hard to achieve) so he could empathise with a fraction of her grief but he knew Shannon well enough to know that her reaction could be anything from tears to laughter to anger and back again.

He just didn't want her to inflict it upon herself and so he came back to be her punching bag as that was better than having to watch her self destruct.

"How?"

"He had a heart attack in the hotel room, my mother said it was quick and to give you her regards."

"Her regards? She makes me sick."

He didn't want to mention that his mother was sobbing her eyes out in a bath in Miami right now because he knew that wasn't what Shannon would want to hear.

"Well at least now I know a heart was actually present and wasn't a chunk of ice like I previously assumed."

"Shannon I'm so sorry I can't grasp how hard this must be."

Shannon was glad Boone was here because he didn't try to assume anything or tell her it was going to be okay and it's a good job because she may just have whacked him if he had.

"I have nothing left here now."

"You have me"

She didn't smile she just nodded.

"I can't stay here anymore. I'm going to pack my stuff and go to a hotel in town until the will is read and then I'm going to get as far away as possible."

"Shannon I know you're hurting but don't do anything too rash because you may regret it later."

She walked into the lounge, retrieved the rum and took it upstairs.

Shannon had to laugh at the situation for a moment in the fact that even in death he knew how to steal her limelight and ruin her birthday. She didn't want to have to think about her dad today and now she couldn't get him out of her head.

She looked at the satin dress she had brought and now it meant nothing, every stupid piece of fucking clothing she had brought over the years seemed worthless to her. It was all because of Shyanne and she'd rather be poor than owe her anything.

She tried to detach herself from the emotions that were pumping through her, she tried to focus on something else but it took so much energy willing back involuntary tears every three seconds that she gave up, curled up under the covers of her bed and bawled.

She sobbed for all the times she wondered what she had done wrong for her father to have left her. She cried for all the times she went against her nature and personality to impress him and then had gone so far she couldn't even remember how to be the real Shannon, the sweet Shannon the Shannon that her mother had raised. She bawled for all the missed opportunities, the things that went unsaid and wishing she had told him she loved him even if she couldn't forgive him. She wept for the way she had let her life turn out and for letting her mother's advice and guidance go to waste and knowing that if there really was a heaven that she'd be too disgusted to watch over her. There was so much that she could have done but didn't and she hated herself for that but most of all for not knowing who herself really was.

This must have been grief and she couldn't deal with it. The grief she suffered when her mother died was so buried and so long ago all she remembered was the acute hopelessness and once again it was rearing it's ugly head.

Boone came in a couple of hours later with a glass of water and a doughnut. She heard him enter and put them down on the table but he didn't say anything he just gave her her space.

"Boone?"

"Is there something you need?"

"Can you lie with me?"

Boone didn't argue, he simply understood.

He kicked off his shoes and got in wrapping his arms around her. Her pillow was wet and she was shaking and he felt helpless. Boone was the only decent male she had left and she knew no one would ever care about her like he did.

"I'm sorry for everything."

He smiled into her neck.

"Don't be let's just forget everything in the past and start afresh."

She nodded and finally feel asleep.

* * *

"Shannon darling Shyanne and I are going away for a bit as an extension of our honeymoon but you and Boone are being taken care of by a really great nanny."

"What again? Dad your honeymoon was two years ago and if you want to get away from me just say I'm almost fifteen and I don't need a nanny."

"I know you're a tough kid but it's better safe than sorry and she'll make sure you both eat right and get to school on time. How could you think I want to get away from you? You're my girl."

"No Shyanne is and I hope I don't have to call her mommy."

"Of course not you can call her what you like within reason. Don't ever forget I love you but I can't give you my undivided attention anymore we've talked about this and you know how I disapprove of these young scoundrels you continue to you date at your age!"

Shyanne strolled in in her fur coat apparently having been eavesdropping on the conversation.

"Yes dear why don't you take a leaf out of Boone's book and concentrate on study and not boys I think you'll find it will be useful and you know how me and your father despise the fact you don't take our advice and go out with them on school nights!"

Shannon rolled her eyes. Shyanne had maybe a conversation of six lines with her every month and she thought she knew her enough to play the other parent even though Boone was upstairs right now pretending to study but was actually hiding from her. The thing that was proved to Shannon by going out on school nights was Shyanne wasn't concerned enough to actually properly discipline or stop her from going out with strangers years older than her and her father had just given up trying.

"Don't roll your eyes at your father!"

"I can do what I want Shyanne."

"Not as long as you are in my house young -"

Simon coughed nervously.

"The taxi will be waiting outside dearest why don't you ask him to bring out our bags."

Shyanne nodded giving Shannon a condescending stare as way of a goodbye. She hated the way her dad called her dearest because it always made it apparent to her that she was second best.

He kneeled next to her on the marble floor as Boone finally descended half way done the stairs to wave him off.

"Try to be good while I'm away because it hurts me when you constantly get into trouble and be nice to Boone he's a good boy."

Shannon gave an emphasised sigh before going to give her dad the obligatory hug goodbye but when she reached out to him he moved further and further away before disappearing altogether. Boone began laughing hysterically and Shyanne simply left without him. Then everything was dark and Shannon was screaming for her father but all she could hear was the echo of her own cries.

* * *

Shannon woke up and was comforted by a sleepy Boone rubbing her back and telling her she was dreaming in a soothing voice.

Then everything came flooded back to her. She was still living a nightmare.

She walked around in a daze feeling numb and the scary thing was that she might have stopped bothering to eat or even live if it hadn't been for not wanting to let Boone down after all his help and faith in her. His mother's friends had all been around to see her but not one of them spared a thought for what his daughter was going through and Boone got more irritated everyday sitting with them while his mother simultaneously boasted about him and described dramatically the graphic hell she was living in.

Both Boone and Shannon detested having her staying, it was as if they owned the house and she was the annoying guest relative they had to put up with and Boone finally realised what a bitch his mother really was because when she was away her absence made the heart grow fonder but constant exposure made him hate her. Everyone else had selfless, devoted mothers growing up why did he have to have a self-absorbed neurotic workaholic?

No one was working after Simon's death which meant everyone got in everyone's way but both Shannon and Shyanne were too depressed and despondent to clash like they used to and with the funeral only a day away everyone was still coming to terms with his sudden death.

The funeral was organised almost completely by Boone because he knew he could keep it together long enough to make the decisions and that it would stop Shannon and his mother fighting it out.

There would be a reading both by Shannon and Shyanne followed by Simon's favourite song "Lady in Red" and they would all sing "all things bright and beautiful" as the closing hymn.

Organising a funeral was almost as hard and just as stressful as organising a wedding (and he would know considering his occupation) but the fact he had to do it in such a short space of time with little help was enough to give him grey hairs.

The only good thing about it all for Shannon was she had never loved or been more grateful for Boone in her life and he was a comfort in those first horrifying few days.

The funeral was what Shannon expected it to be, plenty of young bachelors were there making eyes at her but she barely noticed other than to give them the finger for trying to hit on her at her own father's funeral. She did look gorgeous after all her beauty treatments but it just reminded her of how shallow she and everyone around her was except for Boone who had his arm around her the whole service until she went up to read a poem she had chosen.

She got up in front of a sea of mourners in black, half of whom she had never seen before and cleared her throat.

"This is a poem written by Mary Fyre that I remember my mother insisting my father read at her funeral and I remember never seeing him struggle and grieve and yet laugh so fondly at her memory while reading it and so I think it would be appropriate for me to read it once again as a farewell to my father who is now probably getting drunk in a pool in heaven with my mother and Jesus."

Everyone smiled admirably and Shyanne bowed her head. She looked over to Boone who gave her the thumbs up and an encouraging wink.

She really wished she was in love with Boone instead of just loving him because it would solve all her problems, he would keep her safe and he would make her happy.

"Do not stand at my grave and weep,  
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.  
I am the diamond glint on snow.  
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.  
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,  
I am the swift, uplifting rush  
Of quiet birds in circling flight.  
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.  
I am not there, I do not sleep."

Shannon was glad she hadn't burst out crying through it but she found it hard to stop the tears as she ended it and remembered her mother's smile as she first read it to her.

She went and sat back down with Boone and Shyanne lay a hand on her shoulder which surprisingly she didn't feel like slapping away. Regardless of what a soul sucking bitch Shannon thought she was, she had made her father happy which she could not have done alone and she owed it to him on this one day to not make a scene and have a fight with her.

After the funeral they all went back to the Kalyle estate and she had never seen it so full compared to a few days ago, noisy mourners were stuffing their faces and supporting Shyanne although Shannon didn't care as she didn't want people she didn't know telling her how great her dad was and giving their regards. If she had to hear 'time heals all wounds' one more time she was going to seriously maim somebody and see how they liked it.

Shannon slipped away from the crowd to take comfort in her friend _Jack Daniels _but Boone wasn't far away.

"You doing okay? I know what shitty timing all this has been for you."

"Yeah well I don't think any day he died would have been great."

Boone smiled.

"Wanna know something funny or at least I hope you find it funny and if not feel free to hit me."

"What?"

"Your guy Carl is gay"

Shannon smiled, the sting of her rejection had long since passed but it was still comforting to hear.

"Of course he is, I came to the conclusion he was either bent or mentally ill because no sane straight guy would turn me down. How did you find out?

"He hit on me."

Shannon burst out laughing.

"That_ is _funny, but considering his fashion sense I thought he'd have better taste."

Boone got a glass of whisky and sat next to her.

"Well I know you're on the mend if you're insulting me again."

Shannon nodded and leant her head on his shoulder.

"Even so no matter what shit I give you in the future I want you to remember how grateful I am for all you've done for me."

"Damn I should have brought a tape recorder."

"Shut up I'm serious! If I had to be trapped on a desert island I'd want it to be with you."

Boone grinned.

"I thought you would have chosen a bottle of alcohol so thanks I'm flattered."

Shannon nodded.

"The alcohol came in a close second."

The executor of her father's will came around the next day and talked to Shannon about her substantial inheritance that both Shyanne and Simon had decided to leave her but she couldn't access until she was 21 she also got a trunk of her mother's possessions which to Shannon was worth a hundred inheritances.

She looked through it up in her bedroom and all the photos, poems and her mother's favourite shawl transported her to a blissful, innocent time of her life that she had forgotten. The flowery scent of her mother still clung to the shawl and Shannon could feel tears forming at the smell. All Shannon's baby stuff was in there too as well as old love letters her mother and father used to send to each other. All her good memories were wrapped up in all these items that she thought was lost. At least now she could look back into the past instead of face her unhappy future.

As she pulled each bit of writing out piece by piece she found a letter addressed to her. She opened it curiously knowing that her mother's last letter to her was treasured in her diary.

Dear Shannon

Your mother insists that I write you a letter telling you (or rather myself) all the things I want to be for you and she thinks it will make a difference. I'm not so sure but when you're mom has her mind set on something it's hard to argue ( the disadvantage of having a corporate lawyer as your wife) however since I doubt neither of you will see it I can write honestly and maybe it will help. Your mom is alive as I write this and although her body is giving up her spirit and passion is animate even if not as much as it always was. I'm going to miss her but until it has sunken in that she is gone I don't think this letter is going to be accurate. I'm scared, scared of what I will become when I don't have her, if I didn't have you Shannon I doubt I would go on living and I don't want that to be conveyed to you ever because it's not something someone at your age has to deal with. Death, grief and loss you will have to overcome but finding out your dad is just as helpless and is a diminished wreck inside is not something I want you to know. I'm selfish and I always have been, like you I had a privileged upbringing and before I met your mom I put myself before anyone or anything else. I don't want to be that guy again just because I'm resentful towards fate or the world or whatever took the love of my life from me. I love you and I know in my heart that will see us through. I'll work hard and give you all the things you want so that even though you'll never have your mom again you'll have stuff to be proud of that many kids could only dream of owning. I just want to watch you grow up well and play my part as best I can in that process. I'm not sure I'm making sense but as long as you are smiling and laughing I think things will be alright.

All my love

Your father.

Shannon didn't even realise she was crying, it was a weird mix of happiness and sorrow. Everything Shannon had worried about or questioned in regard to her father was explained and finally put to rest in that one piece of writing. Nothing her father could have said (or she'd let him say) in the next forty or so years would ever make as much sense or mean as much as that letter did.

She smiled knowing that not everything was her fault and that her father loved her and what's more that she truly loved him back.

* * *

Two days later and Shannon was packing her bags. Boone was at work and she didn't care where Shyanne was, all she cared about was that she was making a clean break and was going to make something of herself.

She didn't know where she was going but she had enough money not to worry too much. Boone had no clue she was leaving and she liked it that way, she never knew how to say goodbye and saying goodbye to Boone would be the hardest. He used to represent both the best and worst part of her life for so long that she was still getting used to being his friend. She heard the taxi pull up the driveway and quickly stuffed her last few tops into the suitcase and wheeled it down the stairs.

"Where to sweetheart?"

"Airport please."

Where could she go that was far enough away to make a difference but not too different from America? Once she had booked her flight and a hotel for the night she finally called Boone.

"Hey brother."

"Hey where are you? I got chicken on the way home I thought if we just threw the sauce in the pot with it, it should be pretty edible."

"I'm not coming home."

"That would explain the skid marks on the stairs, how many suitcases did you lug down anyway?"

"Only three I got tired after that. I did want to wait to say goodbye-"

"You didn't but that's okay."

"I don't know how long I'll be gone so I didn't want to have this epic farewell between us."

"Well I'll miss you, we've had our ups and downs but we've been together for a long time."

"It will only get better if I leave."

"For you or for me?"

"For both of us and I'll call you from all the exotic destinations I end up at."

"Okay and remember if you ever get in trouble just call."

"I'm not eleven Boone I'll be fine."

"Okay so where you off to first?"

"Australia."

Boone laughed.

"I would have guessed Washington or Miami but Australia is good too I guess."

"I thought London but it's too cold. So are you going to wish me luck?"

"Good luck Shannon and take care."

"Bye Boone."

Boone put down the phone, he felt like his heart had been ripped out but he was used to it. He was also kind of relieved, any step out of the house and away from the liquor cabinet was a positive one, he only feared she'd find some great guy and never come back or see him ever again.

He went into the kitchen and on the bench was a letter.

Brother.

Just in case I get cold feet and don't call I left this as my "see you later" letter. Someone special once said that writing your feelings down on paper is therapeutic and from my experience in actual therapy, any alternative is progress. Anyway it's not goodbye because no farewell is completely good, I wouldn't go through life without coming to tease and torment you every so often so you have that to look forward to by the way. Don't expect me to be an angel or any different the next time you see me, who knows I may be worse but regardless you know you're my closest friend (life's pretty fucked up right?) and with my personality and track record I doubt that will change. So see you later Boone and keep the alcohol on tap in case of a visit (it would be funny if I was actually kidding)

See ya

He smiled, he betted (or maybe hoped) Shannon would be home in a week bored, tired and missing her luxuries but then again maybe she'd stay in Australia, get herself in trouble (she usually did overseas) and he would have to come and get her like always.

Regardless she had made the first move out of their privileged, sheltered bubble and split up their gruesome twosome that had been together for nearly ten years and who knows maybe in the future maybe their relationship would get closer (it was an outside chance they had prospects but love is blind).

After all absence makes the heart grow fonder.

* * *

AN: Reviews are wonderful :) 


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